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The Bracelet...Pt. 8 by Philly
So anyway, I'm standing there staring at this piece of silver in my hand thinking about what the Zuni's and the Ute said when one of the paramedics started asking me these questions to determine if I were in shock or not. The whole scene was so comical to me. It reminded me of a scene that would have been in a Monty Python movie (I know you've seen those before!!). First, he started out with some basic questions and they increasingly became more difficult (if you were a person suffering from brain damage). But what was so funny about it was every time he'd ask me a question, you could have heard a pin drop.
The crowd was so intently curious to see how I would answer and then he asked me what the date was just knowing that I was going to mess that one up (he seemed like he was determined to cart me off to the psycho ward). I had to think about that one for a few seconds more but when I answered, "October 1st" everybody went wild clapping!! Maybe you had to have been there to appreciate what I'm saying but it was pretty funny.
I had stuff packed all over my bike and when I went down, every bit of it came off and people were all up and down the highway bringing stuff back and setting it in a pile for me. Before I had left the house, I grabbed a great big bag of tampons and stuffed it in my tour pack. I never thought of having a "flow" quite like this one but a continuous flow of tampons kept blowing by while the interigation was taking place which was also funny (to me) and when I answered that last question right, I stepped away from everybody, grabbed up some that were blowing by and started handing them out like they were cigars and I had just had a baby or something!! Another victory!!
But then the thought of my gun hit me like the bullet it was packing and the best thing I thought to do was holler out, "my gun!!" so I could maybe tell who had it and also get all those people who were there to help me find it before somebody tried picking it up and stealing it. So the little (literally) county officer guy who was acting like he was in charge says, "oh, so you have a gun do you?" I said, "yes sir, I do. It's a Glock 40 and we need to find it before it gets in the wrong hands!" Again, they wouldn't let me go to look for it. The State Trooper and Robert De Niro and the paramedics stayed with me while everybody else was looking for my gun.
I knew there was no way it could still be on the bike the way I carried it. Sure enough, the county guy walks up with it in his hand commenting on what a nice weapon it was but he wouldn't give it back to me. It was like he was dangling it out in front of me like a carrot in front of a horse or something. Just intentionally trying to piss me off - the bastard!! Why do they always have to act so smart-alec-like? They're the ones who start all the trouble half of the time I bet 'cha!! They're like garbage men - I'm glad we've got 'em but I sure wouldn't want to be one!! : )
So he tells me he needs to see my permit. Well, I didn't bring it because after laminating it, it's bigger than the credit cards I carry in my little billfold and the stupid piece of paper doesn't mean anything anyway when it gets right down to it so I didn't have it with me. When I told him this, he looked like a bloodhound that just caught a scent!! His already smart-alec attitude then turned into something that was obviously directed towards me in a negative and threatening way. He went to his car to call in and see if I was telling the truth about having one registered with the state. I told De Niro, State Trooper and the paramedics he ought to have his radio taken away!! They wanted to laugh (I could tell) but they couldn't.
After the paramedics got through wrapping my arm up (had only my jeans and a tank top on and all I got in injuries was some rash on my right arm and the back pockets on my jeans ripped off but my ass was black and blue all over - there was nothing they could do for that), the country cop comes back over and says they don't have any record of it and he was going to have to keep the gun and place me under arrest. Oh, God - that was all I could take. I gave him one of my Dolly Parton verbal ass-whippings making him look real stupid for taking a woman's gun away from her, who lives in Memphis, TN where the crime rate isn't even discussed because it's higher than Chicago, IL's has ever been and, especially, after going through what I had just been through in the wreck that should have killed me and now he's going to put me in jail because I was honest in telling him about the gun in the first place so it would not get in the wrong hands. Obviously, it WAS in the wrong hands - his!!! I ended by asking him how he can sleep and telling him he ought to be ashamed of his self. I mean I got excited with this one and everybody knew it. State Trooper suggested to him that he go call one more time and I was put in the State Trooper's car.
By now, I'm wondering about insurance issues in getting my bike fixed so while I was able to talk to him, I asked the Trooper how he was going to ticket me. Get this - he say's, "well, what do you think happened?" I said, "I don't know but I don't want to talk about it anyway." He says, "Weeeeelllllllllllll, the way I see it, you were traveling with the flow of traffic and suddenly everybody started putting on their brakes leaving you nowhere to go and I'm not going to ticket you at all - how's that?" I told him that was good news, now, what are we going to do with Barney Bad-Ass who just couldn't wait to take me to jail? He said, "let's just let him run his mouth." Hey - sounded like I had an ally on my side!! Thank you Spirit world!!
So here comes Barney on my side of the car. Trooper rolls down the window and Barney says, "Miss ____, step out of the car please - you're under arrest." I was fixing to climb out of that window and put him in the ditch but that's when Trooper speaks up and says, "then you're going to have to do this then" handing him the clipboard with all the reports he had to do on it. Barney Bad-Ass says, "Uh, I don't think that's necessary" and Trooper buddy says, "then you give this lady back her gun." I just smiled at Barney and put my hand out for him to hand it over to. HA! He reluctantly gave it back to me and I noticed the clip was missing. I said, "clip too" and he reached in his pocket where the clip was and handed it over too. Son-of-a-bitch!!
Can you believe that, Muthuh!! What a bastard!! He forgot who he was dealing with didn't he? Anyway that's what happened there. And guess what? Right before I left my house for Bowling Green, I was thinking about getting my bike painted when I got back so I could get those geeky (not for me) pin-stripes off of it. And oh yea, this guy that I knew had pulled over who was going to Bowling Green and he had room on his trailer for my bike. So off to Bowling Green we finally went!! I was so glad to get out of there. That's when I started feeling a little dingy. Guess I had to take care of business first- huh?
Even More Later,
Philly
 For Information, contact: Muthuh@Muthuh.com
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